Dear Friends, this week has been one of the most trying weeks of my life.
T he pain in my heart is so heavy, and it is so real. I have wept harder in the past week than I have in my entire life. Greater than losing four babies, greater than years of infertility, greater than a car accident and traumas associated.
The pain I feel for the black community is real, and it is beyond anything I have ever known.
I am used to being heard. I am used to being listened to. I am used to having a voice. Whether or not you like Facebook as a platform, I need you to know it is one. The hatred, racism, personal messages, comments posted and deleted, are beyond what I have ever known in my life and it has only been two days – a week for me. This fact brings me to my knees as my heart is so incredibly heavy with pain and sadness for a people group not heard.
Imagine watching injustices happen day in and day out and crying out to be heard, someone – anyone to listen – and being met with silence.
The reality of this has hit me like a ton of bricks this week. My heart is so heavy. On behalf of all white people I would like to offer my utmost of apologies to the black community. I am so sorry for the silence. I am so sorry for the painful likes. I am so sorry for the statements made. I am so sorry for things misinterpreted and agendas created when all you asked was to be heard.
You want a hug during a hard week.
You want someone to ask you how you are doing.
You want someone to really listen when you say things are not good.
You long to be greeted with the tears of someone weeping with you.
I am so sorry for wrongful deaths. I am so sorry for injustice.
I am so sorry for my own silence.
My own scrolling through and pressing like to cute pictures of kids, other great causes all the while reading what you wrote and feeling a sense of pain and moving on without a single word of condolence. I now realize the comment means the world, the text to see how you are doing means the world. My heart knows a new level of pain it has not felt before, and it’s not about me. Two days – a week, what’s that. It is nothing. You experience this heartbreak every day and yet you bravely keep on walking, you bravely hold your head up high, you radiate Jesus with your smiles amidst the tragedies, you find your strength in the only one who can give strength to the weary, Jesus Christ.
Love conquers all, and you have shown me love this week like I didn’t deserve.
Your hugs, your texts, your telling me you are praying for me while I have a unique position to be a voice of truth – you didn’t need to extend this kind of love to me and yet you did. You love like Jesus did, undeserved, unmerited, unwarranted love. Reckless abandon kind of love. You know all too well the pain, and I am sorry you do.
Please accept my apology on behalf of all undeserving, unmerited, imperfect people
As we move towards reconciliation, joy that can be found only in him, and a coming together like can only be done after listening and hearing the needs of a people crying out. Acknowledging the pain. Learning the pain. Feeling the pain in our bones. And moving towards a newness, a fullness, a beauty and joy that comes with stepping forward with boldness together as Christ’s Kingdom. Every nation, tribe, and tongue is precious in his sight. Jesus loves the children of the world. And I love you. Sincerely, with all my heart, all my love and a hope that can only be found in him.
With you on my knees,
This post was an original Facebook status written by Analisa Gerbig in response to the tragic deaths of Alton Sterling & Philando Castile on July 5-6 2016. AnaLisa is mother to three treasures; two bio children and one adopted from Uganda. She loves to sing, play baseball with her boys and spend time at the beach with friends on a hot summer day. She and her husband and family live in Seattle, WA.